I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
