why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
