If that was your dad, he is hot
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
