Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
