Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
