I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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