Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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