This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
