Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think your dad took our porno
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
