It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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