I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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