Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
