ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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