just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
