The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
