I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
No subtext here. People are naked.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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