So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize