I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
