I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
