She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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