I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
