i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
