I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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