Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
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whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
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last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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