Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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