everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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