So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
