It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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