Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
