I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
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I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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