I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
