the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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