dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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