Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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