worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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