1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
