just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
