she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize