just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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