I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just tell him i said nine months
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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