someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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