This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
