dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
