im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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