if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
