he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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