dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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