I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
