weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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