Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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