I feel great
I just peed on a car
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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