I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
