So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
