He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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