My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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