i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
