my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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