the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
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I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
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You made out with two different species that night
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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