You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I bet he comes in French.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
