I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
